Hallie has given me no way back. She closes every door in my face with complete disdain and complete confidence that no matter what she says or does to me I am not a strong enough man to stand up and say enough I'm leaving you. Hallie has a thousand reasons she can name to end this relationship and at least 10% of them are valid and 80% of them are legitimate complaints that deserve my attention and explanation the last 10% are ridiculous but not to be ignored or dismissed by your partner. I address all of it and I am honest about all of it.
How far can someone push me to manipulate me to lie to me to and when exposed there is no remorse no guilt no acknowledgement of any wrong doing. Hallie tells me over sand over again “I have done nothing wrong.” I think I know why and its the one thin g that has stopped me from simply walking out the door and turning off my phone. I believe from what I know that she was taken advantage of early in her life. I think the way she handled that experience that a 28 man subjected a 12 year old to is to take back her power and tell the story as a seduction on here part. She wasn’t t taken advantage of in her m ind she was the seducer she was the little girl who had a special secret power over men. And it wasn’t wrong because it was exciting and it was dangerous and it was all hers and no one else had any access to that part of her because she loved being the opposite of you. She said nothing told nominee and while you needed the attention she knew that your’s was nothing compared to the attention lion she could draw outof any man she set her eyes on. Kermit would have never noticed Hallie if Hallie hadn’t wanted to prove to herself that she was more beautiful and desired than Jen Knox and Devon who were all fucking him at the same time..
And that's the pattern of her life. Since she had her first boyfriend the acceptable projection to whatever image she wanted to show the world. The friend she could share a laugh be as selfish as she wanted and never really have to care about him all that much (Todd). And tenth dangerous hyper sexual seducer that she could experience that sexuality that she knew she possessed but felt was not for the world to see (Kermit).
Whether the pattern continued through Beau I don't know. This between hallie and her conscience. I choose to believe that somehow she stuffed all of her natural desires down into a dark part of her mind and when Beau died she freed them. I should have known that her seduction of me was nothing more than that. I should have known that when I told her this was a life changing moment that neither of us could take back \ her mind was totally unavailable to asnything but that appetite. And I don’t know that even if she knewhow much pain she caused that she would have cared.
Do you know Hallie to ever have expressed any sort of guilt for her actions. Think. Can you name one time that Hallie has said “I cant believe I was such a bitch. I cant believe I did that what the fuck was I thinking. I sam so so so sorry for hurting you by doing XXX. Please please forgive me. What I did was so wrong and so selfish I cant stand the guilt.”
I cant think of one thing she has expressed guilt for doin g. Maybe she says im sorry you feel that way. Im so sorry for not understanding how overly sensitive you are. Ive done nothing wrong but I can tell your upset so just believe me. I really love snd adore you and when you’re sober…”
Guilt is an appropriate emotion when we’ve wronged someone (including ourselves.). Guilt that isn’t acknowledged becomes shame. And shame becomes either narcissism, and addiction, and pain, and an empty life. The person who thinks they do nothing wrong and that its better to be wrong and certain than right and uncertain obviously lives in an a reality of their own construct. It literally means that they can do no wrong. What can you ever say to that person when they purposely or knowingly allow you to be hurt. No matter what they have done nothing wrong.
Hallie really believes that. She really believes that her relationship with David isn’t wrong. It probably wasn’t much different than our relationship Liz, the only difference is that they lied and hid there relationship they l;itterally both told me I was crazy when I asked why they didn’t tell me they were together when they were. Over and over and over again.
ANd then there his tree frog man- definitively yes- Mike Owen yes- and Justin whatever yes- and Liz if Daria and she didntbhook up or basically basically the equivalent then the fact t that they have said 10 times in 10 dsifgfeerent ways from the 4 woks they spent together to the 3 some Hallie told me tgwey were having with an escort to Daria trolling me last night the her Boston boyfriend was a little jealous
Because he knows she is addicted switch hitter her words along with sticking her tongue between her fingers to mimic licking a pussy when I asked her if she and hallie hooked up. And Danielle And on and on and on.
How is checking out all together not a reasonable option Liz. What do you suggest. Should I not protect at least the reputation I l3ave behind. I guess it really doesnt matter. How you call that LOVE IS A MYSTERY TO ME.