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Hillary Clinton To Nation: ‘Do Not Fuck This Up For Me’ | The Onion -
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Hillary Clinton To Nation: ‘Do Not Fuck This Up For Me’

WASHINGTON—After several seconds spent sitting motionless and glaring
directly into the camera, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
reportedly began Sunday’s video announcing her 2016 presidential bid by
warning the nation not to fuck this up for her. “Listen up, assholes,
’cause I’m only saying this once: I’ve worked way too goddamn hard to let
you morons blow this thing for me,” said Clinton, repeatedly jabbing her
index finger toward the viewers at home while adding that if they thought
she was going to simply sit back and watch them dick her over like they did
in 2008, they were out of their fucking minds. “Seriously, don’t you dare
even think about it. If you shitheads can just get in line, we can breeze
through this whole campaign in 19 months and be done with it. Or, if you
really want, we can do this the hard way. Because make no mistake, I’m not
fucking around. Got it?” Clinton then ended her announcement by vowing to
fight for a better future for all working-class families like the one she
grew up in.


Eric D. Schwerin
eschwerin@rosemontseneca.com

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