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Alexander Snyder-Mackler
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "Alexander Snyder-Mackler" <smacklera@gmail.com>
Date: May 10, 2011 4:58 PM
Subject: Syracuse speech update
To: "Beau" <261penn@gmail.com>
Cc: "Nina Monzack" <nina.monzack@gmail.com>

Beau,
I like this draft a lot. You already made some of the changes I had written
down (losing the Green Zone line, "inspiring," etc.) so it sounds more like
you. I made a handful of minor changes, tracked in the attached document.
The only ones of substance were:
-you make the point about responsibility, an important one, but not until
the end. It seems you're leaning into it in the first half but never say it,
so I added a line.
-there is a great bible verse/JFK quote -- to whom much is given, much
expected -- that I think fits perfectly into "high stakes" part.
-some minor grammar/speech tweaks.

Two others I didn't put in the doc:
1) If you want to use the financial example, you can do it in two sentences:
"One of the great tragedies of our financial crisis is that investors
shopped around their questionable practices to attorney after attorney,
until they found someone who would deem them "legal." Had all lawyers beared
the proper responsibility -- to tell the client the truth, and not what they
wanted to hear -- a crippling recession may have been avoided.

2) A favorite Churchill quote -- the price of greatness is responsibility.
Might fit in where you talk about the SEALs raid, maybe not.

**Nina -- please don't add these changes to the current draft unless Beau
OKs them.

This is going to be a great speech.

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Alexander Snyder-Mackler
(302) 598-867