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Dear Hallie,

I've never been so heartbroken. Not about loosing you but about my faith in living. When Beau died I knew he would always be with me until I took my last breath and then we would be together again as a whole. But is such a shock to what I believed about life and living and kindness and just the idea that this is not all an agony to be endured.

I could care less what it is you've done or haven't done with whom or not. I just needed you to tell me it would be ok that you and I could fix anything that you're with me no matter what and help me understand how we will be together as soul mates and not just some ordinary couple. Not lovers who fuck and party but two people with nothing between them.

I was wrong. I was so certain it was true that I gave up everything for you. My entire life I gave away for that promise.

I don't hate you Hallie but you must understand that we will never be together again. I passed through some moment of panic to a shimmer of calm and I realized that no one that loves or even cares for me would ever do this. And with that truth i knew I would never know love again but for the first time in over two years I felt the indifference.

It's a gift you've given me and for that I owe you nothing- but to say I'm not indifferent about my niece and nephew and I will get sober for one reason and one reason alone - and that's to make certain you don't continue to do what you're doing to them now. They deserve love and I don't think you are capable of that.

Sent from my iPhone