Biden Arrives Early To Set Up State Of The Union Fog Machine | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

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eschwerin@rosemontseneca.com

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2015-01-20 22:28:46

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Hunter Biden <hbiden@rosemontseneca.com>

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Alexander S. Mackler <smacklera@gmail.com>

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Biden Arrives Early To Set Up State Of The Union Fog Machine | The Onion -
America's Finest News Source

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Biden Arrives Early To Set Up State Of The Union Fog Machine

WASHINGTON—Speaking to reporters as he ran a tattered extension cord along
the House of Representatives rostrum this afternoon, Vice President Joe
Biden confirmed that he had arrived early in order to set up a fog machine
for tonight’s State of the Union address. “This baby kicks out the fog like
you wouldn’t believe, but you gotta give her plenty of time to warm up if
you want the whole room to fill up real thick,” said Biden while carefully
mixing water and glycerin according to his own homemade “fog juice” recipe,
which he explained he’d been using since his brief stint as a roadie on
White Lion’s Pride tour in 1987. “I wanted to do this thing up right with a
whole laser rig and shit, but that would’ve set me back mucho dinero. But
don’t you worry; Uncle Joe knows a few tricks with strobes that’ll get the
crowd going.” At press time, Biden was reportedly double-checking the
timers on a set of flash pots in order to avoid another congressional aide
losing their fingers in a pyrotechnic mishap.


Eric D. Schwerin
eschwerin@rosemontseneca.com

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