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Obama Compiles Shortlist Of Gay, Transsexual Abortion Doctors To Replace
Scalia - The Onion - America's Finest News Source

http://www.theonion.com/article/obama-compiles-shortlist-gay-transsexual-abortion--52361

Obama Compiles Shortlist Of Gay, Transsexual Abortion Doctors To Replace
Scalia

WASHINGTON—Moving quickly to begin the process of filling the unexpected
vacancy on the Supreme Court bench, President Obama spent much of the
weekend compiling a shortlist of gay, transsexual abortion doctors to
replace the late Antonin Scalia, White House sources confirmed Monday.
“These are all exemplary candidates with strong homosexual values and
proven records of performing partial-birth abortions, but am I missing
anyone?” Obama reportedly asked himself while reviewing his list of queer,
gender-nonconforming, feminist Planned Parenthood employees, all of whom
were also said to be black immigrants. “I definitely have enough post-op
transsexuals on the list, but it is a little light on pre-op candidates.
And I should probably add a cop killer or two on here just to round out my
options.” Sources later confirmed that Obama was attempting to rapidly
narrow the list down to the single best nominee to submit to the Senate in
hopes of wrapping up confirmation hearings before his choice had to leave
to attend the Hajj pilgrimage.


Eric D. Schwerin
eschwerin@rosemontseneca.com

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