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Hunter,

I want to let you know some of what I'm feeling and where I am coming from.

The last six plus months have just been horrible and painful for everyone. I have tried to figure out what was happening, if I had done something wrong. I've stopped trying to figure it out and now I'm just trying to help myself and the girls feel better.

I want you to know that I loved being married to you. I was the most proud of being your wife. I took more pride in being a good wife than in anything else. I really did love it.

I also still love you. You have been the center of my world for so long. It is an exercise every day not to reach out to you, call you, know what you are doing. When you are able to maintain your sobriety long enough to begin working on our family, I am willing. It is up to you. For now, I am giving you your space to get their on your own.

I have talked to doctors, therapists and addiction specialists. I have asked everyone, what should I be doing? Let you be, seems to be the consensus. You don't seem to want my help. My trying to help seemed to make things worse. So I am trying to let you be. I am hoping every day, for our girls and for our family, that you get better. It breaks my heart to see you so broken.

You may disagree with how I see things and what has happened over the past six months and that's ok. But I know you can't disagree with the fact that I loved Beau. He was more than a brother to me. I have found ways to be close to Beau on my own. Going to church makes me feel close to Beau. Running on the canal makes me feel close to him.

Hearing about the ways that you and your family are honoring Beau, without including me, just makes me so sad. I just want you to know that I would appreciate being included if you were comfortable with it. If your family doesn't want me to be there, then I won't. I just want you to know that I want to be there. I want to honor Beau.