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Supremely Girly Girl
By MAUREEN DOWD
Published: May 14, 2010
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From: Joe Biden [info@barackobama.com]

Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times
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Times Topic: Elena Kagan
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Sent: Friday, May 14, 2010 9:38 AM

To: Obama supporters

Subject: A reason to smile.

Folks —

This week, when the president first told me he’d chosen Elena Kagan to
serve on the Supreme Court, I couldn’t help but smile. I met her 20
years ago, when she took a break from teaching school and chasing guys
to join my staff in the Senate, and even back then, it was easy to
picture her in a black robe.

Of course, Elena prefers to see herself in something frillier, because
she’s a girl’s girl. Just try dragging her out of La Perla! And I’m
sure, under those robes, she’ll be rocking some Juicy Couture jeans
and Christian Louboutin suede boudoir slides. Uh-oh. Did I sound gay
there for a minute? Well, I’m not. And neither is Elena Kagan.

She went to Harvard, not Smith. It’s Elena, not Ellen. She barely
drives, much less a Subaru. She’s never been spotted at Home Depot or
the Meow Mix bar. And she doesn’t have Ani DiFranco on her iPod.

I recall how upset she was a few years ago when she got muscled into
playing softball by some friends. She hates the game, absolutely HATES
it. She cried and cried — like a fragile, adorable little girl. She
said the only thing worse was when she was forced to compete in the
L.P.G.A. celebrity-lawyer classic.

She never watches the Rachel Maddow show. By 9 p.m., Elena’s usually
snuggled up in bed in a lacy peach peignoir, scrawling “Mrs. George
Clooney” in the margins of Blackstone’s Commentaries.

Don’t bother trying to get her out for dinner on a Monday night when
“Dancing With the Stars” is on. Her heart belongs to Maksim
Chmerkovskiy’s abs!

Ignore those wicked whispers about her sexual orientation. I cannot
categorically assure you that she never flirted with another young
woman when she was at Princeton. But I can categorically assure you
that if she did, it would only have been to impress the cute guy in
her Philosophy 101 seminar.

Elena dated some of Eliot Spitzer’s friends at Princeton because her
real ambition was to be “The Good Wife.” But now she’s ready to settle
for being The Supreme Justice.

Elena is anything but a history-making, barrier-breaking, proud,
strong, happy gay woman. She’s a garden-variety, sad, scary, single,
childless career woman who can’t get a man because she’s too smart,
works too much and refuses to settle.

You may have trouble at first seeing the zesty legal powerhouse who
described herself as “a famously excellent teacher” as a pathetic
loser with men. But just check out the Ben Smith interview in Politico
with Sarah Walzer, Elena’s roommate in a mouse- infested apartment
while they were at Harvard Law.

Sarah says Elena was obsessed with all “the usual girl talk stuff” and
that they conspired about how to get a guy’s attention, how to lure a
guy to dinner, how to find a guy in a new city and how to avoid
intimidating a man with your brains and confidence.

“It’s an ongoing challenge for very smart women,” Walzer said. “There
are not very many men who would choose women who are smarter than they
are.”

Yeah, there aren’t too many guys like Barack and me who don’t see it
as a problem.

Elena is flat-out brilliant, but even she has lapses of jurisprudence.
When she worked for me on Capitol Hill, she came up with a scheme to
do a calendar of Senate studs.

The criticism that she has no paper trail is unfair. Check out Ms.
Left’s prodigious paper trail looking for Mr. Right on Match.com.

Even Justice Thurgood Marshall had to chastise Elena once when she was
clerking for him. “Shorty,” he told her, “you’ve got to stop leaving
early for mani-pedis.”

Behind her brisk, no-nonsense exterior, Elena Kagan is a man-hungry
babe from Manhattan like Carrie Bradshaw (and definitely not like
Cynthia Nixon). She’s been talking for months about going to the first
matinee of the new “Sex and the City” movie. Give that Cosmo girl a
Cosmo and watch out!

One last thing I’d like to straighten out: Elena didn’t invite
conservatives like Antonin Scalia to come visit at Harvard because
she’s a conciliator. She just thinks Republican men are more dishy.
When she made a courtesy call on Scott Brown the other day, she told
him he was a hottie with a smokin’ little body. As our solicitor
general, she’s had some notable tangles with Chief Justice John
Roberts over briefs. But it’s just sexual tension.

Please give us your support to put this extraordinary — and
extraordinarily straight — nominee in the judicial nunnery with Sonia:

http://my.barackobama.com/supportkagan

Trust me — the only secret Elena has is Victoria’s.

Thank you,

Vice President Joe Biden.


Eric D. Schwerin
Rosemont Seneca Partners, LLC
1010 Wisconsin Ave., NW
Suite 705
Washington, DC 20007
(202) 333-1880
eschwerin@rosemontseneca.com
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