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I hate to be going back to emailing but I don't think you are listening or trying to understand where my feelings are coming from.

I feel like I have been trying to save you and our marriage and it seems to me that you aren't as committed. I'm relieved you're sober and want to do what I can to support that but I think our marriage isn't surviving. I sense you don't understand what it feels like for me that you continue to leave. You went up to Delaware Friday and Saturday. You didn't tell me about going to Natalie's track meet. You know I keep asking what you're doing because I have this unsettling feeling that you are keeping things from me. I know you don't ask what I'm doing but I don't think it bothers you not to know. To me, you don't seem that interested. "How's work?" You asked me yesterday. I haven't had a paid job in 22 years and that's your level of interest. It felt like you couldn't wait to leave last night. That really hurt my feelings. I laid on the couch wondering why you wanted to leave - what you were doing. When I saw that picture of you with your family, somewhere you didn't tell me - which in not telling felt like lying - it just felt so hurtful. My hurt last night was real. You didn't acknowledge that my pain was justified. You kept telling me I wasn't making any sense and was irrational. Maybe if you had been honest with me - told me what you were doing. Did it really just not occur to you?

I'm trying to get to a place where I can trust you again and I don't know how. I am trying to figure out if there is a way there. Now, based on how you keep responding to me, I don't think there is a place.

Let me just tell you how I am feeling. I am feeling like not only do you not put our relationship as a priority, I don't sense you really want it. I hear you continually telling me that you can't talk to me when I'm upset. As for our meetings with Debbie, you seem like you can't wait to get out. I am upset every day and am trying to get better. I hate feeling angry and want to figure out how to let it go. I didn't sleep at all last night. Makes me so sad to have our marriage ending. It felt like you would be happy with just a few hours with me, walking around Georgetown. That's all you want. You didn't want to stay last night to spend the evening with me. You looked so happy to be leaving.

I'm going to see Debbie today at noon to talk to her about how to get over caring about you. I am consumed by you and it isn't healthy because you can't return it. You are consumed by too many other things and you aren't ready to work on us. I can't keep feeling hurt this way.

I feel like you treat my sadness and anger with such exhaustion - you don't want to deal with it. I do wish you would just stay up in Delaware and I didn't have to see you for a long time. It is too painful and I want to get over you. You don't make me feel like you really love me or want to be with me. Maybe that isn't true, maybe that is a result of the trauma you put me through over the summer and maybe it's just that you're too sad to show any energy toward repairing our relationship. I know I can't have you commuting to and from Delaware - you have spent more time with Hallie in the past five months than me. I needed you too. You also haven't done anything to help me feel better about what you did to my relationship with Natalie and Hunter. I don't think you realize what it feels like to me not to be in their lives.

Maybe being with them makes you happy so best for you to stay up there. I wonder if maybe too painful for you to work on us. I want you to be happy - I really do. Do what makes you feel better and I'll work with Debbie to get over you. I want to be happy too.

Sent from my iPhone