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Cardinals Mull Obama Papacy<
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Vatican insiders today report what is an apparent "testing the water" move
by the White House to suggest President Barack Obama as a possible
replacement for retiring Pope Benedict XVI.

Father Guido Sarducci, unofficial Vatican spokesman, confirmed that a
"highly placed person" in the administration had floated the idea of naming
Obama the Vicar of Christ on Earth when Pope Benedict steps down at the end
of the month.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney was quick to state that any talk of
the President leaving his current office to assume the duties of the
supreme pontiff was irresponsible. "We are quite sure that the President
would be able to fulfill the duties of both roles simultaneously," Carney
reassured reporters.

He admitted that, like assuming the mantle of the presidency, becoming pope
would entail a step down for the Lightbringer, but in his well-documented
humility the President would be willing to do so to set the Church straight
on a number of vital issues.

"Internally, the Church needs a thorough reorganization, starting with
assigning union representation for each diocese, and also this staunch
resistance to the human right of abortion on demand has obviously got to
stop," Carney said.

Furthermore, Carney pointed out the additional advantages of having a Pope
Hussein at the helm of the Church.

"Imagine the ecumenical possibilities in the Middle East," the Press
Secretary suggested. "This could be the moment when the Earth begins to
heal itself, when the waters start to recede in the relationship between
Islam and Christianity."

Carney invited reporters to consider how a heartfelt apology to the Arab
World for the Crusades could open up an entirely new era of interfaith
cooperation. While this would of course "require all lands stolen from the
Caliphate by Christendom be returned to the Dar-al-Islam," Carney reminded
reporters that the Muslim call to prayer at sunset was one of the sweetest
sounds on Earth and that he was sure the Spaniards would welcome back
sharia law.

Carney closed the briefing with an emphasis on the historic opportunity
this presented to the College of Cardinals. "Imagine, if you will, not only
the first African-American pope, but indeed the first non-Catholic pope. I
only hope the College of Cardinals can overcome their racism and religious
bigotry to make the clear choice."


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